


Promise

by panpinecone



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Anal Plug, Car Accidents, Dirty Talk, Erotic Electrostimulation, Fantasizing, Knifeplay, M/M, Male-Female Friendship, Masturbation, Sex Toys, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2015-03-12
Packaged: 2018-03-17 13:00:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,786
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3530318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panpinecone/pseuds/panpinecone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ocelot happens upon a texting buddy when he needs one the most. Slowly but surely, he begins to recover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Promise

**Author's Note:**

> The eventually revealed backstory and ending contain potentially triggering material about accidents, injuries, and death.

[OUTGOING]  
I miss you.

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I miss you.

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I miss you.

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I miss you.

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I miss you.

 

* * *

 

“So how does going to the movies sound?”

“...Sure, I guess.”

“You don’t _sound_ sure.”

“You’re the one who wants to go.”

“We can do something else if you want. It doesn’t have to be movies.”

“Can’t we just microwave some popcorn and put on a movie at your house or something?”

“That’s not much of a step up from microwaving popcorn and putting on a movie at _your_ house. Really, the biggest difference, other than whose house it is, would be that I wouldn’t have to sit through two hours of desert landscapes and cowboys riding around on their horses.”

“That’s why I suggested your place. But if that doesn’t work, we can always do mine again. And watch more Westerns.”

“As long as you get out of the house, I’m happy.”

“Eva...”

“Please, Adam. I don’t like it that you’re all cooped up in there. A week? Fine. Two weeks? Not great, but understandable. Three weeks?”

“I—”

“Look, I get it. I do. And it’s going to take time. But please don’t stay in that house all by yourself. _Please_.”

“...I’ll try.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I miss you.

[INCOMING]  
who is this

[OUTGOING]  
Sorry, wrong number.

[INCOMING]  
oh okay :)

 

* * *

 

“You’re not still texting his old number, are you?”

“No.”

“I know when you’re lying, Adam.”

“I’m not! The number’s been reassigned anyway.”

“And you know this _how?”_

“Drop it, Eva.”

“I just want to know that you’re okay.”

“I am. Drop it.”

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
HEY EVERYONE PARTY AT MY NEW PLACE  
(ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ RSVP FOR DATE AND DIRECTIONS

[OUTGOING]  
...What?

[INCOMING]  
who is this

[OUTGOING]  
The wrong number from the other day.

[INCOMING]  
who?

[INCOMING]  
oh wait yeah i remember you! i guess i accidentally put you in my contacts  
oopsie :p

[OUTGOING]  
That’s okay. Accidents happen.

[INCOMING]  
youre still invited btw  
unless youre a creeper or something

[OUTGOING]  
Please tell me you don’t usually invite random strangers to your house.

[INCOMING]  
no  
but if youd said yes i wouldve known you were a creeper  
so now youre officially invited ;)

[OUTGOING]  
And here I thought I was good at mind games.  
Thanks, but no thanks.

[INCOMING]  
you break my heart  
</3

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
hey howd you know it was me

[OUTGOING]  
Excuse me?

[INCOMING]  
when i mass texted everyone  
you knew i was the guy you accidentally texted before  
how

[OUTGOING]  
I still had the number in my contacts list, that’s all.

[INCOMING]  
they didnt bother telling you they switched numbers?

[OUTGOING]  
None of your business.

[INCOMING]  
sorry if i struck a nerve o_O

 

* * *

 

“You look upset.”

“Hm? It’s nothing.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, just... No, it was nothing. I took something the wrong way.”

“Took what the wrong way?”

“.....”

“.....”

“Don’t you hate it when something reminds you of him? Reminds you of— of what happened?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I do.”

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
for some reason i still feel bad about the other day  
especially considering i dont even know why you flipped out on me

[OUTGOING]  
Is this your way of asking?

[INCOMING]  
kind of (^_^;)

[INCOMING]  
hello

[INCOMING]  
?

[INCOMING]  
sorry orz  
ill leave you alone

 

* * *

 

“Have you ever snapped at someone on accident?”

“All the damn time.”

“And then what did you do?”

“Saying sorry’s a good first step.”

“But that’s with people you _know_. Have you ever done it with complete strangers that you’re never going to talk to again?”

“I don’t think so. If you don’t apologize right then, and you’re not going to ever see them again, then I guess there’s nothing you _can_ do.”

“Yeah. I guess.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I overreacted. It wasn’t your fault.

[OUTGOING]  
Sorry.

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
thsi french chik didn like the wine i got and now im drunk and aloe

[OUTGOING]  
Okay...?

[INCOMING]  
your apolology made me feel better btw  
thnaks ):)))

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
so apparently i texted you last night  
i do not remember doing that at all

[OUTGOING]  
I admit I was surprised to be the recipient of your drunk-texting.

[INCOMING]  
i did mean it though

[OUTGOING]  
Mean what?

[INCOMING]  
about your apology  
i feel better :3

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
so whats up

[OUTGOING]  
What?

[INCOMING]  
what are you up to

[OUTGOING]  
What are YOU up to?  
Why do you want to know what I’m doing?

[INCOMING]  
is it so wrong for a guy to be curious about his friends?

[OUTGOING]  
I don’t recall either of us ever saying we were friends.

[INCOMING]  
but i just did  
¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

[OUTGOING]  
You can’t just impose friendship on other people!

[INCOMING]  
do you not want to be friends then

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Eva, did you hear about that event the theater’s having?”

“What event?”

“They’re doing a midnight showing and apparently some kind of costume contest.”

“Oh, cool.”

“We should go.”

“Yeah. Yeah, definitely.”

“.....”

“Wait, are you serious?”

“Of course! My coat’s been languishing too long and not enough people appreciate my spurs.”

“Then— then let’s go! When is it?”

“Saturday.”

“Bet my costume’s gonna win.”

“Them’s _fightin_ ’ words!”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I do.

[INCOMING]  
?

[OUTGOING]  
I mean I do want to be friends.  
Or at least keep talking.

[INCOMING]  
;)

[OUTGOING]  
Do you wink at all your friends?

[INCOMING]  
only the cute ones (*3*)

[OUTGOING]  
That doesn’t even make any sense.  
You don’t know anything about me, let alone what I look like.

[INCOMING]  
who ever said cuteness was physical

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
i have two options  
i can either make the food for this thing myself  
or i can just buy a bunch of cheap junk food  
which should i go with

[OUTGOING]  
That depends. Do you actually know how to cook?

[INCOMING]  
of course  
just not this recipe and i dont have that much time to work through it  
so maybe itll come out okay  
but with so little practice theres always a chance it wont

[OUTGOING]  
I take it that the cons of getting the junk food are simply the fact that it’s junk food?

[INCOMING]  
more or less  
i dont personally mind  
but i know some of the people who are going to be eating will

[OUTGOING]  
Then you need to weigh the pros and cons of each option against the other and go with whichever has the greater benefit of the two.

[INCOMING]  
i know that  
but mainly its a question of what impression i want to make  
considering each scenario at its potential worst  
do i want to be the guy who tried and failed  
or the guy who took the easy way out

[OUTGOING]  
Depends on who these people you’re trying so hard to impress are.

[INCOMING]  
good point

[INCOMING]  
[PHOTO ATTACHMENT]

[INCOMING]  
do you think that looks tasty enough to excuse any possible terribleness

[OUTGOING]  
I’m actually surprised, that does look appetizing.

[INCOMING]  
enough to make a good impression regardless of the eventual taste?

[OUTGOING]  
I don’t know about that. I’d need to actually taste it to know whether it could be excused from judgment.

[INCOMING]  
so you should

[OUTGOING]  
I would if I could.

[INCOMING]  
if we ever meet irl you should totally try it

[OUTGOING]  
The key word being if.

[INCOMING]  
really though  
youve got to promise me youd give me your honest opinion on it

[OUTGOING]  
Promise.

[INCOMING]  
good  
now ive got to figure out what im going to do about the rest of the food

 

* * *

 

“That was fantastic.”

“Extremely. How’s it feel to lose to a cowboy?”

“Considering said cowboy’s costume isn’t half bad, I can’t say it feels terrible.”

“Not ‘half bad’? Really? _Really_? Admit it, it looks great.”

“.....”

“What are you smiling about?”

“Nothing.”

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
anything interesting happening

[OUTGOING]  
I won a contest the other day.

[INCOMING]  
thats cool!  
what contest

[OUTGOING]  
It was kind of an acting thing.

[INCOMING]  
‘kind of’?

[OUTGOING]  
Acting helped the outfit’s impression.

[INCOMING]  
so like a modeling contest

[OUTGOING]  
I never said that!

[INCOMING]  
what kind of clothes were you modeling anyway

[OUTGOING]  
I wasn’t modeling.

[INCOMING]  
what clothes

[INCOMING]  
did you leave again (*^*)

[OUTGOING]  
I was pretending to be a cowboy, alright?

[INCOMING]  
thats new

[OUTGOING]  
What is?

[INCOMING]  
i dont think ive ever met someone into that

[OUTGOING]  
‘Into’ what, exactly?

[INCOMING]  
cowboys

[OUTGOING]  
What in the world makes you think I’m ‘into’ cowboys?

[INCOMING]  
if it was just an innocent interest i doubt youd be so hesitant to answer

[INCOMING]  
i got it right didnt i

[INCOMING]  
hey im not judging

[INCOMING]  
do i need to confess to some weird thing to get you to come back

[OUTGOING]  
Quit blowing up my phone. I was thinking.

[INCOMING]  
uh huh

[OUTGOING]  
Besides, I’m pretty sure you’re not the type to ‘confess’ to anything.  
You’d just brag about it.

[INCOMING]  
thats actually not too far from the truth  
you know me too well <3

[OUTGOING]  
Okay, I let the winking slide, but why are you sending me hearts now?

[INCOMING]  
lol why do you think ;)

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
Were you attempting to flirt with me?  
Because that’s how it came off.

[INCOMING]  
have you spent the past few days figuring it out or something

[OUTGOING]  
Well, excuse ME if your vague messages and questionable use of emoticons aren’t the easiest things to piece together.

[INCOMING]  
do you not text much

[OUTGOING]  
Not with people like you.

[INCOMING]  
ouch

[OUTGOING]  
So were you?

[INCOMING]  
flirting? sure why not

[OUTGOING]  
1\. You definitely don’t sound sure.  
2\. I’m not a woman.

[INCOMING]  
flirtings just my natural state  
i dont plan it out or anything  
but if youd rather have a concrete answer then yes i was  
and i never said you were

[INCOMING]  
a woman that is

 

* * *

 

“I’m gonna go window-shopping at the mall tomorrow. Some company would be nice. Wanna be my date?”

“You wish.”

“Never hurts to ask.”

“Nor should it.”

“.....”

“But yeah, I’ll go. Could use a new scarf anyway.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I’m not sure what you want.

[INCOMING]  
thats a pretty broad topic  
are you asking about my life ambitions or something else  
because im going to need specifics

[OUTGOING]  
Stop it, you know what I mean.

[INCOMING]  
i really have no idea  
okay maybe sort of an idea  
but you still need to elaborate

[OUTGOING]  
This whole flirting business.  
Just what are you trying to accomplish?

[INCOMING]  
cant flirting just be  
why are you questioning it

[OUTGOING]  
You don’t seem like the type to flirt without an ulterior motive.

[INCOMING]  
you know an awful lot about my type from just these conversations dont you

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
whats up

[OUTGOING]  
Right now? Shopping.

[INCOMING]  
for what

[OUTGOING]  
A scarf.

[INCOMING]  
cool  
ascots are pretty stylish

[OUTGOING]  
Ascots are alright for a more formal appearance, like a uniform.  
I prefer looking more casual and just wrapping it around my neck.

[INCOMING]  
what are you some kind of hipster

[OUTGOING]  
Well, excuse ME, Mr. Ascots-Are-Stylish.

[INCOMING]  
you have absolutely no sense of fashion

[OUTGOING]  
Excuse YOU.

 

* * *

 

“You pick out a scarf?”

“Huh? Oh, yeah. This one.”

“.....”

“What’s that look for? Do you not like it?”

“No, I’m just wondering why you keep glaring at your phone.”

“Oh. Don’t worry, it’s just this guy I’m texting.”

“Do I know him?”

“Probably not.”

“What’s his name?”

“.....”

“Adam, do _you_ even know this guy?”

“Y— Well... Kind of?”

“.....”

“.....”

“I’m not gonna say anything, okay? Despite all evidence to the contrary, I’m still sure that you’re a mature, reasonable human being who knows how to handle this situation. Right?”

“...Right.”

“Just please don’t make me regret not saying anything.”

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
touchy about your outfits arent you

[OUTGOING]  
No, I just don’t appreciate having my taste mocked.

[INCOMING]  
uh huh

[OUTGOING]  
Stop that.

[INCOMING]  
?

[OUTGOING]  
I can tell when you’re being sarcastic.

[INCOMING]  
sarcastic? moi?  
surely you jest!

 

* * *

 

“There’s apparently a pretty big party happening tomorrow. I got invited by this one chick and she said I could bring some friends. Wanna come?”

“Will I even know anyone there? Or is this an attempt to get me out of the house again?”

“It’ll be fun! You can meet some new people.”

“Not the most appealing of plans...”

“Hey, what if we go, stick around a while, and then if you don’t like it, we leave?”

“...Slightly more appealing.”

“We leave and then you can make me sit through another Western.”

“Definitely appealing.”

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
whtare you wearin  
cowboy stfuf againn?

[OUTGOING]  
You’re drunk.  
Again.

[INCOMING]  
yeha

[INCOMING]  
loooool  
yeeeeeeeehaaaaaa

[OUTGOING]  
That’s the worst yeehaw I’ve ever seen.

[INCOMING]  
;((

[OUTGOING]  
Damn, even your frowny faces wink.

[OUTGOING]  
Did you drunk text me and fall asleep?

[OUTGOING]  
Of course you did.

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
i swear i can do a better yeehaw

[OUTGOING]  
I’ll believe that when I see it.

[INCOMING]  
or hear it maybe? 8)

[OUTGOING]  
As intriguing as that offer is, it’ll have to wait. I need to go get ready for a thing.

[INCOMING]  
thing? what thing?

 

* * *

 

“Remember: We’ll go in, mingle a bit, then go off and do our own things. And you just come get me if you want to leave, alright?”

“I’m a big boy, Eva, I can take care of myself.”

“I’m not worried about you, silly! What you’ll do to everyone else if you’re bored for too long? _That’s_ what I’m afraid of.”

“Pretty sure that won’t happen.”

“Hm?”

“Do you hear all that noise? There’s no possible way I’ll get bored in there. Annoyed? Probably. But bored? Not going to happen.”

 

* * *

 

“Why’re you here if you’re just going to hang around in the farthest corner of the room?”

“None of your business.”

“ _Harsh_.”

“How would _you_ like it if some stranger came up and asked why you’re wearing shades indoors?”

“They look cool.”

“Keep telling yourself that.”

“Oh, come on. Don’t lie, you know it’s true. Deep down in there, you know it.”

“ _Riiiiiiight_. Now if you’ll excuse me...”

 

* * *

 

“Eva, can we get going now?”

“Why, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m just not feeling it. Besides, everyone here’s kind of an asshole. Granted, some more than others.”

“No, I get you. The food’s pretty terrible too. Here, take the keys. I’ll meet you at the car in a few minutes.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I went to a party.

[INCOMING]  
cool so did i  
did you have fun

[OUTGOING]  
No, everyone there was an asshole.

[INCOMING]  
hate it when that happens

[OUTGOING]  
How was your party?

[INCOMING]  
same old same old  
hot people who keep turning me down

[OUTGOING]  
Have you ever considered not being so upfront?

[INCOMING]  
i wasnt! i tried being casual but then they put me on the spot and left

[OUTGOING]  
That doesn’t make much sense.

[INCOMING]  
youre telling me  
i even got an eyeroll

[OUTGOING]  
If you really were being casual and then THEY asked about YOU, I don’t see why they’d get upset.  
Unless you’re not telling it how it happened.

[INCOMING]  
thats exactly how it happened  
no lie

[OUTGOING]  
Then I have no idea what was up with them.

[INCOMING]  
hey

[OUTGOING]  
What?

[INCOMING]  
you wouldnt turn me down would you (*^*)

[OUTGOING]  
That...really depends.

[INCOMING]  
on?

[INCOMING]  
do you need to be seduced properly  
are there rules and regulations

[OUTGOING]  
Okay, well, first of all: Would I turn you down for what?

[OUTGOING]  
Hello?

[INCOMING]  
http://youtu.be/HMUDVMiITOU

[OUTGOING]  
?

[OUTGOING]  
Oh.

[OUTGOING]  
You’ve got to be shitting me.  
Really? REALLY?

[OUTGOING]  
Here I am, trying to take one of these conversations seriously for once, and then you go and link that?

[INCOMING]  
sorry but it was too perfect to pass up ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

[OUTGOING]  
No wonder you get rejected.

[INCOMING]  
is that a rejection

[OUTGOING]  
Miraculously, no.  
And don’t ask me why not, I don’t know.

[INCOMING]  
its the small victories

[OUTGOING]  
Incredibly small.

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
What are your thoughts on Westerns?

[INCOMING]  
is this a test

[INCOMING]  
do i lose any chance i have if i dont appeal to your love for cowboys

[INCOMING]  
well?

[INCOMING]  
did i fail the test

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
if i strapped on a pair of assless chaps and nothing else would i be back in your good graces

[INCOMING]  
because i was thinking about it and thats something i could do

[INCOMING]  
youd have to provide though  
ive got no clue where to get those things

[INCOMING]  
would i need to call you partner while we fuck ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[OUTGOING]  
FOR FUCK’S SAKE, QUIT TEXTING ME. I’M HAVING DINNER WITH MY FAMILY AND I’M PRETTY SURE MY MOM’S ABOUT TO THROW MY PHONE AT THE WALL.

[INCOMING]  
cant you just put it on vibrate

[OUTGOING]  
It IS.  
But I’m expecting an actual IMPORTANT call, so every time you text, I HAVE to pull it out and check!

[INCOMING]  
lol  
“pull it out”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
Now what the fuck was all that about!?

[INCOMING]  
dinner with mom finished?

[OUTGOING]  
Mom and dad.  
And yes.  
Now explain yourself.

[INCOMING]  
i think it was pretty self explanatory

[OUTGOING]  
No. No, it was not.  
Explain.

[INCOMING]  
do i need to dress like a cowboy for us to fuck

[INCOMING]  
wait  
or maybe you want to be the cowboy  
thats cool

[INCOMING]  
either way  
whos doing the riding

[OUTGOING]  
Seriously, what’s your angle with this?  
Why do you keep doing all this really sexual flirting?

[INCOMING]  
its called sexting bro

[OUTGOING]  
Okay, that has got to be the worst message you’ve ever sent me.  
Never call me that again.

[INCOMING]  
its not like i know your name dude

[INCOMING]  
seriously what am i supposed to call you

[OUTGOING]  
Adamska.

[INCOMING]  
the hell kind of name is that

[OUTGOING]  
It’s Russian, you asshole.

[INCOMING]  
not like any ive ever heard

[INCOMING]  
and hey ill take ‘bro’ over ‘asshole’ jsyk

[OUTGOING]  
I’d rather know your real name, actually.

[INCOMING]  
kazuhira

[OUTGOING]  
And you said MY name was weird?

[INCOMING]  
at least mines obviously japanese

[OUTGOING]  
But is it, really?

[INCOMING]  
it is and you know it adam

[OUTGOING]  
Adamska.

[INCOMING]  
whatever im putting you in as adam

[OUTGOING]  
Fine, KAZ.

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
let me get this straight

[INCOMING]  
youre russian  
and like to  
at the very least  
dress up as a cowboy

[OUTGOING]  
Please drop the cowboy thing.  
It was one time.

[INCOMING]  
that you told me of

[INCOMING]  
but i bet theres more

[OUTGOING]  
Why are you refusing to let this go?

[INCOMING]  
well its obviously important to you  
so if im going to have any chance i need to know what you like

[OUTGOING]  
You keep talking as if us meeting is a likely event.

[INCOMING]  
and so it is  
because the way i see it  
our area codes match  
so unless youve moved since getting your phone  
chances are we could very well run into each other someday  
and id like to be prepared for it

[OUTGOING]  
1\. Even if we DID run into each other, it’s not like we’d know it.  
2\. 'Prepared' for when we run into each other? You make it sound as if you’d ravish me in public.

[INCOMING]  
thats why we should make plans to meet  
unless youre also into the public thing

[OUTGOING]  
Do you not know what limits are?

[INCOMING]  
sure i do  
but youre not exactly complaining

[OUTGOING]  
I did ask you to drop the cowboy thing.

[INCOMING]  
but do you really want me to

 

* * *

 

“What’s up?”

“Hm?”

“You’re smiling at your phone.”

“No, I’m not.”

“Alright, biting your lip at your phone. And then when you type you alternate between looking annoyed and... Something else.”

“I really doubt I’m doing all that.”

“Do I need to take a picture next time?”

“.....”

“If you don’t wanna tell me, that’s fine. But you’ve got to _know_ I’ll do everything in my power to find out.”

“Too bad you won’t.”

“Sure I will. And I won’t even be sneaky about it.”

“You do realize it’s just some guy I’m texting, don’t you?”

“Of course. That same one from before, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Exactly.”

“So what more are you wanting to find out?”

“Just what’s so interesting about his texts.”

“Nothing’s so interesting about them, they’re nonsense. Stubborn nonsense. He’s kind of an asshole.”

“Maybe, but I haven’t seen you making those faces at your phone in a _long_ time.”

“...Do your worst. But I promise you, none of these texts are remotely worth any of the effort it’ll take you to snoop around.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
Alright, you know what?  
Fine. Fucking fine.  
You’re allowed to ask me about my Westerns as long as you’re not annoying.

[INCOMING]  
im not sure how to do that

[OUTGOING]  
Alert the media.

[INCOMING]  
very funny  
i mean im not sure how to do that by your standards  
what exactly counts as annoying to you

[OUTGOING]  
Anything unwarranted or unsolicited, particularly insinuations of a tryst between us.

[INCOMING]  
youre a very picky person you know that

[OUTGOING]  
It’s called negotiating.

[INCOMING]  
that implies both parties stand to benefit  
so what do i get

[OUTGOING]  
You get to ask your questions.

[INCOMING]  
but ive been asking my questions

[OUTGOING]  
You get answers to your questions.

[INCOMING]  
which ones

[OUTGOING]  
The ones I deem appropriate.

[INCOMING]  
in what way  
‘this deserves a proper answer’ appropriate or ‘this is something you could ask in public’ appropriate

[OUTGOING]  
Both.

[INCOMING]  
so i cant ask if you fap to cowboys?

 

* * *

 

“You look like a boiled lobster.”

“...Huh?”

“Really fucking red.”

“Oh.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
Yes.

[INCOMING]  
yes i can ask or yes i cant

[OUTGOING]  
Yes, I do.

[INCOMING]  
wait

[INCOMING]  
seriously?

[OUTGOING]  
Yes, now quit asking me.

[INCOMING]  
i cant actually tell whether youre being serious or not

[OUTGOING]  
Too bad, because this question session’s over.  
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have things to do.

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
damn do i hope you were being serious  
because thatd be super hot

 

* * *

 

“Hey, while you’re in the kitchen can you grab me another drink? And more of those cherries.”

“Sure thing.”

“And check on the pizza.”

“Already on it.”

“Thanks a bu— You just got like five texts in a row.”

“Who’re they from?”

“Uh, ‘Kaz’. And they say... Oh. Something about him trying to figure out what chaps to get and wanting to know if he needs ‘the hat’ too.”

“...Give me that.”

“.....”

“.....”

“I take it that’s the guy you’ve been texting?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, I say he’s a keeper.”

“What? Why?”

“Anyone who’s willing to listen to you rant about Westerns for hours on end—”

“I haven’t.”

“Huh?”

“I haven’t talked to him about them at all.”

“Then why is he talking about dressing up like a cowboy?”

“I, uh, kind of let it slip that... Well, you know...”

“Are you telling me you ‘let it slip’ that your obsession with Westerns definitely has some sexual undertones to it?”

“Hey! That’s not—“

“Not true? Please. Or do I need to remind you of that time I accidentally walked in on y—”

“Okay, okay!”

“I _know_ what I saw you watching.”

“What’s your point?”

“Clearly this guy wants in your pants enough that he’s willing to appeal to your borderline unhealthy fascination. So maybe you should consider the offer.”

“But... I don’t even know what he looks like!”

“I’ve never known you to focus on physical traits as a selling point.”

“That’s not to say I can’t have a type.”

“Sure, cowboys. And this guy seems pretty willing to go with that.”

“.....”

“If it seems like I’m pressuring you, sorry, I didn’t want it to come off that way. But I do think you need a bit of a push.”

“For?”

“For going out and just having a good time.”

“But I do.”

“Never on your own, and only ever with me. And I’m happy to keep you company, but you can’t just refuse to interact with other people ever again.”

“I do interact.”

“I mean, it’s okay to... Put yourself out there again. You know? And I almost feel as if you’re not _letting_ yourself out of some persistent sense of— of— I don’t know, loyalty or something. And I get it. But you’re allowed to, okay? If you really don’t want to, that’s totally fine. It’s just that I know you well enough to tell when you’re stopping yourself from doing something. I wouldn’t bring it up if I wasn’t sure that’s what was happening.”

“.....”

“.....”

“...You’re...lucky you’re my best friend, you know? ‘Cause _that_? If it was anyone else...”

“I know. I know.”

“We’ve never really... _Talked_ about it... Have we?”

“You never wanted to.”

“Mm.”

“.....”

“How’d _you_ cope so well?”

“What makes you think I did?”

“...Oh.”

“.....”

“.....”

“...Heh.”

“What?”

“I was right. I told you I’d find out what that guy was texting you, and I did. Without being sneaky either!”

“...I guess so. Hah!”

“You should know not to underestimate me by now.”

“I could never.”

“Good.”

“...Hey.”

“Yeah?”

“I’m glad we’re friends.”

“Is that your way of saying thanks?”

“No. This is.”

“...Oh, lucky me. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you hug anyone but your parents.”

“I’m trying to be serious here.”

“Yeah, okay... Okay.”

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
[PHOTO ATTACHMENT]

[INCOMING]  
see this is how you wear a scarf  
dont i look good ;)

[OUTGOING]  
One of the ways.  
And I wouldn’t know about how you look, it’s kind of hard to tell when all I can see is an ascot and a hideous shirt.

[INCOMING]  
‘hideous’ says the walking fashion disaster  
but youre finally back  
what happened

[OUTGOING]  
I had to clear my head.

[INCOMING]  
and i couldnt have helped?

[OUTGOING]  
No.

[OUTGOING]  
It was about you.

[OUTGOING]  
But mainly not.

[INCOMING]  
okay now im confused

[OUTGOING]  
I’ve been thinking, and as much as it physically pains me to admit it, you’re really fun to talk to. And as far as I can tell, you’re being fairly honest every time you try initiating some sort of sexual dialogue between us.

[INCOMING]  
...thanks?

[OUTGOING]  
Fuck it, I can’t do this.

[IINCOMING]  
um?

[OUTGOING]  
I lost someone important to me not too long ago.  
And I wasn’t handling it well. At all.

[OUTGOING]  
Remember when we met?  
Or rather, how?

[INCOMING]  
yeah you texted me

[OUTGOING]  
I did.  
And what did I text?

[INCOMING]  
you said you missed me

[OUTGOING]  
Not you, him.  
I started texting his number that same message, over and over.  
The first few times I told myself it was helping. Like some sort of self-prescribed therapy. And I guess it kind of did, at first.

[OUTGOING]  
But then I kept doing it. And it wasn’t helping anymore. It would just remind me of what had happened, and since I was refusing to talk about it with anyone, it was like all that pain just kept accumulating and festering inside me.  
Do you know how long I went on like that?

[INCOMING]  
how long

[OUTGOING]  
Half a year.  
Always the same message, over and over again, knowing I’d never get a reply.  
Until I did.

[OUTGOING]  
Admittedly, it was obvious the number would eventually get reassigned.  
But I didn’t dwell on it.

[INCOMING]  
i should let you know that im terrible at comforting people

[OUTGOING]  
I’m not looking for comfort.  
Not like that, anyway.

[INCOMING]  
?

[OUTGOING]  
I finally talked this out with a friend, and it helped. But it also made me realize that I needed to tell you. I’m not sure why.  
Maybe because, in a weird way, it’s what started this... Friendship.

[OUTGOING]  
Or maybe because texting you somehow helped.  
I was withdrawn and practically had to be dragged out of the house.  
But whenever we would talk, or fight, or whatever, I almost always felt better.

[OUTGOING]  
Not because you’re the most inspirational of individuals or anything, so don’t flatter yourself.  
It was because our talks made me stop thinking about, well, everything.

[OUTGOING]  
At first, it was just when we were talking. Then when I’d wait for whatever asinine reply you’d come up with.  
And as it went on, I started getting curious about the person behind the texts. I wondered if you were as outspoken and brazen in reality as you seemed through your words.

[OUTGOING]  
We haven’t even talked all that much, and it happened so gradually that I hardly noticed how I started spending the vast majority of the day thinking about other things.  
Things that weren’t... You know.  
I started thinking about finishing off the books I was halfway through, about spending time with friends or family, about making plans for the holidays.  
And in between all that, I’d think about you.

[OUTGOING]  
It was mostly little things.  
Like if you’d ever watched A Fistful Of Dollars. Or whether you had any hobbies.  
Other than incessantly trying your best to fluster me, of course.

[INCOMING]  
you have the strangest way of giving backhanded compliments

[OUTGOING]  
Don’t pretend you don’t like it.

[INCOMING]  
um

[OUTGOING]  
Are you fucking kidding me?  
I was JOKING.  
You butt in, derail my thoughts, make everything about sex (AGAIN), while I’ve been sitting here pouring my heart out to someone who, for all intents and purposes, is a TOTAL STRANGER.  
You’re such a jerk, you know that?

[INCOMING]  
you say that like im supposed to feel bad  
but you just spent the past half hour explaining how much my wonderful personality actually delights and entertains you

[OUTGOING]  
I regret it.

[INCOMING]  
youre probably lying  
but if not  
then i want you to know that i appreciate everything you said  
and thanks for  
idk trusting me enough to say all that

[OUTGOING]  
I needed to.

[OUTGOING]  
But now I need to sleep, so we’ll continue this tomorrow.

[INCOMING]  
dont let the bed bugs bite

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
Are you seriously into being talked down to?

[INCOMING]  
ummmm

[OUTGOING]  
Holy shit.  
I’d have thought you of all people would be way more proud of that than you seem.

[INCOMING]  
yeah well we all have our weak points  
besides  
i thought you werent the type to ask me that so bluntly  
arent you super shy  
what happened

[OUTGOING]  
I’m not.

[INCOMING]  
uh huh

[OUTGOING]  
SERIOUSLY.  
I’m just not used to discussing such intimate matters with strangers.

[INCOMING]  
so whats all this  
didnt you just call me a stranger last night

[OUTGOING]  
I may have slightly exaggerated.

[INCOMING]  
slightly?

[OUTGOING]  
Yes.

[INCOMING]  
alright fine you got that answer out of me  
now its your turn

[OUTGOING]  
What?

[INCOMING]  
confess to a kink (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

[OUTGOING]  
No!  
Besides, you already asked me this before.

[INCOMING]  
no i didnt  
i asked if you fapped to cowboys  
and you never told me whether your ‘yes’ was sarcastic or not

[OUTGOING]  
It wasn’t.  
Happy now?

[INCOMING]  
well hot damn  
but thats still not the same thing as confessing to a kink

[OUTGOING]  
How the fuck not?

[INCOMING]  
‘i jerk it to cowboys’ is not the same as ‘cowboys are my kink’

[OUTGOING]  
Technicalities.

[INCOMING]  
not at all

[OUTGOING]  
Okay, fine, I see your point.  
Doesn’t change the fact that I refuse to admit anything more.

[INCOMING]  
aww come on  
didnt you say we were friends now  
friends can talk about this

[OUTGOING]  
Not most friends I’ve ever known.  
And even with the few who can...  
Some things are better left unsaid.

[INCOMING]  
ooooh why is it something really dirty

[OUTGOING]  
No, I just don’t want to say anything more.  
I mean, we’re even anyway. One confession for another.

[INCOMING]  
but im really curious now :(

[OUTGOING]  
Look, for all your sex-obsessed ramblings, you ultimately seem pretty vanilla, so forgive me if I’m not gearing up to spill the beans on any more of my dirty little secrets.

[INCOMING]  
thats not true! ill try everything once  
okay maybe like  
except for two things  
everything else is fair game

[OUTGOING]  
You like BEING TALKED DOWN TO, for fuck’s sake.

[INCOMING]  
i never said that was the extent of it

[OUTGOING]  
Meaning?

[INCOMING]  
out of all the stuff im into  
why did this have to be the thing you got me to admit

[OUTGOING]  
Why? Are you saying your others are more hardcore?

[INCOMING]  
some yes some no  
i just mean that this is practically the only one im not in a hurry to talk about  
but if i tell you will you tell me one of yours

[OUTGOING]  
Why do you always do this?

[INCOMING]  
fairs fair and a trades a trade

[OUTGOING]  
I’m going to regret this.

[INCOMING]  
is that a yes

[OUTGOING]  
Yes.

[INCOMING]  
good  
no backing out when its your turn

[OUTGOING]  
Yes, yes.

[INCOMING]  
okay so ummmm  
this is harder than i thought

[OUTGOING]  
Not at this rate.

[INCOMING]  
wait

[INCOMING]  
was that a dick joke?  
did you just make a dick joke?

[OUTGOING]  
Just get on with it.

[INCOMING]  
im so proud :’)

[INCOMING]  
but fine fine fine  
so i guess you could call me a masochist

[OUTGOING]  
A taste for light humiliation does not a masochist make.

[OUTGOING]  
Wait, have you been using my insults as your own personal masturbation fodder?

[INCOMING]  
youre not getting it  
thats the tip of the iceberg  
i like being hurt  
not just the verbal stuff

[OUTGOING]  
Let me get this straight.  
You’re claiming to be a legitimate, full-blown masochist. Into degradation and physical pain and the whole package.  
Did I understand that right?

[INCOMING]  
yep

[OUTGOING]  
No, that can’t be right. You’re not...

[OUTGOING]  
I don’t know, that’s just not...

[INCOMING]  
cat got your tongue?

[OUTGOING]  
You’re honestly saying you like getting hurt?  
Like getting sliced with knives?  
And being smacked around?  
While insults and taunts are thrown at you?

[INCOMING]  
arent you the creative one  
but fuck yeah

[OUTGOING]  
Even getting tied down and electrocuted?

[INCOMING]  
i said i liked pain and i meant it

[INCOMING]  
did you leave again

[INCOMING]  
let me know when youre done beating your meat

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
I was NOT!

[INCOMING]  
..............

[OUTGOING]  
I’m telling the TRUTH.

[INCOMING]  
.............................

[OUTGOING]  
I WASN’T MASTURBATING.

[INCOMING]  
then what were you doing

[INCOMING]  
hmmmm?

[INCOMING]  
you can be so predictable sometimes

 

* * *

 

“So how are things going with that Kaz guy?”

“Fine.”

“Same as before?”

“Ngh. Not quite.”

“Ooh, what’s different?”

“Eh, not a lot.”

“No, I know that face. What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“ _Suuure_.”

“We just have some common interests, that’s all.”

“And those would be...?”

“Interests, Eva. _Interests_.”

“Right, but wh— Wait, you mean like kink stuff?”

“Hrngh.”

“Hey, that’s great! How’d you find out though?”

“...We just got to talking about it and then he mentioned something he’s into.”

“And it turned out to match up with one of yours? What is it, huh? No, wait, is it that thing where I found you wearing th—”

“ _No_.”

“Then is it when I w—“

“Contrary to popular belief, you _haven’t_ walked in on me indulging every single one of my kinks.”

“And good thing, too, or you’d be the person whose kinks I know the most about, and that’d just be sad.”

“.....”

“Actually, now that I think about it, I know at least t—”

“Shush, you.”

“Then which is it?”

“One you don’t know.”

“Ah. Wouldn’t want to add it to my mental file on you, then.”

“Exactly.”

“Knowing how things work for us, I’ll probably end up finding out sooner or later.”

“Hopefully later. Preferably never.”

“Does he know?”

“Sort of...?”

“What does that mean?”

“He guessed.”

“How does someone guess that?”

“It’s complicated.”

“I’ve got all day.”

“Eva, there’s a limit to how much I can embarrass myself per conversation, and that limit has been reached.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
By the way, that store where you buy your ascots? I recognize it.  
Pretty shitty store, if you ask me.

[INCOMING]  
way to take the focus off the fact that you got off to the fact that im a masochist  
and of course you dont like that store  
they dont carry any of that hipster stuff you probably love :\

[OUTGOING]  
For the last time, I didn’t!  
And no, that’s just a shitty store. I recommend the one on the opposite side of the mall.

[INCOMING]  
are you seriously bringing up a pic from ages ago and whining about the store i was at just to take the focus off yourself

[INCOMING]  
wait were you looking at that pic again  
if youre that desperate you could just ask for a proper selfie instead of fapping to an ascot

[OUTGOING]  
You are the worst kind of asshole.

[INCOMING]  
aww shucks :p

[OUTGOING]  
You know what? Fuck you.  
And no, not in that way.

[INCOMING]  
really why are you so uptight all the time  
methinks you need to replace that stick up your ass with something else

[OUTGOING]  
Would you STOP?

[INCOMING]  
sure but do you really want me to

[OUTGOING]  
Fuck off.

[INCOMING]  
looks like someones a sourpuss today

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
so hows life treating you

[OUTGOING]  
I’m at my parents’.

[INCOMING]  
again? whats the occasion

[OUTGOING]  
Fourth of July.

[INCOMING]  
bbq?

[OUTGOING]  
No, actually.

[INCOMING]  
so then how are you having any fun

[OUTGOING]  
By texting you.

[INCOMING]  
glad to be of service

[OUTGOING]  
Honestly, it’s kind of a family tradition. Fourth of July, drop everything and have a reunion.

[INCOMING]  
thats interesting  
any reason why

[OUTGOING]  
Yes, but it’d take an hour to explain, and every minute of it would be excruciatingly boring for all parties involved.  
I’m texting you to AVOID boredom.

[INCOMING]  
true enough  
still curious though

[OUTGOING]  
Entertain me now and I’ll tell you the story later on.

[INCOMING]  
that could backfire on you completely you realize  
my idea of entertainment always ends with you giving me the silent treatment because youre too much of a prude to appreciate my wonderful personality

[OUTGOING]  
I’m pretty sure I established that I’m not a prude.  
But fine, hit me with your best shot.

[INCOMING]  
oh sure just so you have an excuse to rant about how sex obsessed i am

[OUTGOING]  
Promise I won’t. Shoot.

[INCOMING]  
i dont believe you  
how do i know youre not just going to leave me hanging

[OUTGOING]  
Damn it, just say whatever, I already told you I’d stay.

[INCOMING]  
describe your dick in five words or less

[OUTGOING]  
None of your damn business.

[INCOMING]  
oh come on you promised

[OUTGOING]  
And I followed through.  
Five words exactly.

[INCOMING]  
you little shit

[OUTGOING]  
Your turn.

[INCOMING]  
best one youll ever have

[OUTGOING]  
Modest, aren’t you?

[INCOMING]  
you know it  
modest is my middle name

[OUTGOING]  
I highly doubt that.

[INCOMING]  
i should show you sometime

[OUTGOING]  
Your middle name or your dick?

[INCOMING]  
believe it or not i was talking about my modesty but yeah definitely also the second

[OUTGOING]  
Psh, whatever. Everyone knows a man bragging about his dick is overcompensating for it.

[INCOMING]  
see but thats only when theyre bragging about how big it is

[OUTGOING]  
Like you aren’t?

[INCOMING]  
nope

[OUTGOING]  
Wait. You’ve lost me.  
Are you telling me that you’re NOT boasting about how you’ve got a huge dick?

[INCOMING]  
i said ‘best’ not ‘biggest’ didnt i

[OUTGOING]  
Alright, fine. You’re confident enough about your dick size to not hype it up.  
But then what exactly ARE you hyping up?

[INCOMING]  
well hopefully your own dick for starters

[OUTGOING]  
That’s not going to happen.  
Besides, even if you were actually good at sexting, it doesn’t change the fact that I’m with my family and we’re expecting friends to arrive any minute. I need to be presentable.

[INCOMING]  
was that a challenge

[OUTGOING]  
It wasn’t.

[INCOMING]  
are you saying you wouldnt get all hot and bothered if i started talking about being in pain

[OUTGOING]  
Not in the least.

[INCOMING]  
or maybe you being the one hurting me

[OUTGOING]  
No.

[INCOMING]  
you sure?  
just imagine it

[INCOMING]  
hitting me and knocking me down

[INCOMING]  
tying me up while hissing about how im just getting whats coming to me  
how i shoudnt have kept provoking you  
how i was a dumbass for keeping at it

[INCOMING]  
dragging a knife over my skin  
watching the way the blood drips down and pools beneath me

[INCOMING]  
electrocuting me and watching me shake  
hearing my pained screams

[OUTGOING]  
STOP STOP PLEASE STOP

[INCOMING]  
whats up

[OUTGOING]  
FAMILY FRIENDS ARE HERE AND I HAVE TO GO SAY HI

[INCOMING]  
wrong  
the correct answer was ‘my dick’

[INCOMING]  
lol but seriously you could just stop reading them

[OUTGOING]  
I ALREADY LIED AND SAID THEY WERE IMPORTANT TEXTS  
IT WOULD BE WEIRD TO STOP SUDDENLY

[INCOMING]  
for real just go to the bathroom or something

[OUTGOING]  
I CANT

[INCOMING]  
why not

[OUTGOING]  
I WOULD HAVE TO STAND UP

[INCOMING]  
are you saying what i think youre saying

[OUTGOING]  
YES

[INCOMING]  
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHH

[INCOMING]  
i knew it i knew it i fucking KNEW IT

[OUTGOING]  
SHUT THE FUCK UP WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

[INCOMING]  
ummmmm  
look youre asking the wrong person  
i give boners  
i dont take them  
unless you meant in a different way  
which yeah i can do that

[OUTGOING]  
I HATE YOU SO FUCKING MUCH

[INCOMING]  
one question though

[INCOMING]  
which one of us needed to be dressed like a cowboy in that scenario

[OUTGOING]  
GO FUCK A CACTUS

[INCOMING]  
guess i get to be the cowboy then

 

* * *

 

“What the hell am I supposed to do? He’s the worst kind of jerk possible. That awful kind that you absolutely hate, except somehow something about them is too goddamn charming, and before you know it, you’re wanting to go ahead and do whatever they say. Except you don’t want to give them the satisfaction. But then you’re not giving _yourself_ the satisfaction either, because damn them, they’re totally right about what you want. And what you want is them. _Fuck_.”

“I didn’t think you knew about those kinds of jerks.”

“Just because I’ve never been all that tempted doesn’t mean I don’t know about them. Besides, it’s not like I wasn’t a little bit tempted. But I had— Well, you know. Others on my mind.”

“Mhmm. So now you’re not sure how to deal with this particular kind of jerk?”

“Right.”

“And for some reason you think I’d be the ideal choice to give you advice on this?”

“Not necessarily. But not a bad choice, and pretty much the only one I’ve got.”

“It really depends on you, to be honest. I can’t give you cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all advice, because it really just depends.”

“Well, what are my options?”

“I think you already know.”

“It helps to talk them out.”

“Well, you could take him up on his offer and see what happens. If he’s really a jerk—”

“He is.”

“—then he’ll probably drop you like a hot potato after he’s done. Or he might say you’re in a relationship and string you along, and that way he’d never have to rely on his hand again.”

“.....”

“You’d be his booty call.”

“Yes, I got that. The other options?”

“You could turn him down and be done with it. He’d probably be upset that all his efforts didn’t pay off, but on the plus side, you _probably_ don’t have to worry about him going around telling everyone you’re a slut.”

“...Eva...”

“Quit making that face, I’ve gotten over it.”

“Still, it was so—”

“ _Really_. I have. Next option?”

“...Next option.”

“Next option is you can keep giving him non-answers to keep the whole thing playing out. You’d get to have some more fun and put off the inevitable aftermath of your final choice. Though I guess you could also outright tell him about your doubts, but if he’s that kind of jerk, it won’t change anything.”

“These all sound terrible.”

“Mm.”

“But what if he’s...”

“Hm?”

“...Not? What if he’s not a total jerk and actually wa—”

“Adam. Adam, Adam, Adam. Don’t.”

“.....”

“I repeat: _Do_. _Not_. I know you’re kind of a sap under that sandpaper exterior, but please don’t do that to yourself. Okay?”

“...Fine. It was just hypothetical anyway.”

“You had me real worried for a second there!”

“Relax.”

“Alright. But do you know which option you’re going to go with?”

“Not a clue.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
That was a dirty trick.

[INCOMING]  
what was?

[OUTGOING]  
Taking the scenarios I first asked you about and throwing them right back at me.

[INCOMING]  
youre welcome

[OUTGOING]  
The only reason I’m not going to yell at you is because I wouldn’t be able to stop, and I actually have things I need to do today.

[UPCOMING]  
like?

[OUTGOING]  
I’m getting myself some books that I’ve been meaning to read.

[INCOMING]  
library or bookstore

[OUTGOING]  
Bookstore. Why?

[INCOMING]  
which one

[OUTGOING]  
What? Why does it matter?

[INCOMING]  
seriously which store and are you heading there now or later

[OUTGOING]  
What the fuck? I walked in around when I started texting you, why do you care so much?

[INCOMING]  
hey hey hey  
im at one right now  
so either were at the same one  
or the only thing between us is a street and some parking lots

[INCOMING]  
we could totally meet up

[INCOMING]  
so which is it

[OUTGOING]  
Just my luck that the only two bookstores worth a damn in this godforsaken city are literally across the street from each other.

[INCOMING]  
right???

[INCOMING]  
wait was that somehow an insult directed at me in the most roundabout way possible

[OUTGOING]  
We’re not meeting. That’s that.

[INCOMING]  
come on  
ill even make the drive over if youre in the other one

[OUTGOING]  
NO.  
Now let me buy my books in peace.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, you’re that guy from the party, aren’t you? No wonder you were being so antisocial, you’re a total bookworm.”

“Oh, shit, not you too...”

“Hm?”

“Nothing.”

“You remember me, right? I asked you why you were there if you were just gonna hang back the whole night—”

“And then I rightly told you to mind your own business. Yes, I remember.”

“Great. I was beginning to think I hadn’t made an impression.”

“Is that why you’re trying so hard to make one now?”

“No need to bite. Just thought it’d be polite to stop by and chat with someone I’ve met before.”

“We haven’t met. Not in the way that inspires a follow-up, anyhow.”

“And what way would that be?”

“Are you seriously trying to drag out a conversation with someone you don’t really know at all? I’m trying to buy some books and get going.”

“Hey, if you really don’t wanna talk, that’s fine. Just say the word and I’ll go.”

“Then _go_.”

“Wait, for real?”

“.....”

“...Okay. I’m going, I’m going!”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
Maybe meeting up would’ve been preferable.

[INCOMING]  
damn right it wouldve  
but why the switch

[OUTGOING]  
Nothing important, just annoying people.

[INCOMING]  
you find everyone annoying though

[OUTGOING]  
That’s not true.

[INCOMING]  
you find me annoying

[OUTGOING]  
And so you are.

[INCOMING]  
honestly im surprised most people dont find YOU annoying with that attitude

[INCOMING]  
or do they?

[OUTGOING]  
Do you?

[INCOMING]  
yes

[INCOMING]  
but also no  
idk its weird

[OUTGOING]  
Oh?

[INCOMING]  
every time i get a reply from you  
before i open it its both annoying and not

[OUTGOING]  
Did you just attempt to compare me to Schrödinger's cat?

[INCOMING]  
i didnt attempt to  
i did

[OUTGOING]  
Regardless, as annoying as I might possibly be, there’s no comparison to be drawn between the two of us.

[INCOMING]  
you sure about that

[OUTGOING]  
Most definitely.

[INCOMING]  
</3

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
hey  
what are you up to

[OUTGOING]  
Nothing concerning you.

[INCOMING]  
ooh well that just sounds suspicious

[OUTGOING]  
What do you want from me? A written declaration of my current activities?

[INCOMING]  
if theyre any fun then yes

[OUTGOING]  
What constitutes fun?

[INCOMING]  
lots of things  
but i think you probably know the kinds i prefer

[OUTGOING]  
Mhmm.

[INCOMING]  
well?

[OUTGOING]  
I’m about to be very busy.  
Talk to you later.

[INCOMING]  
oh okay

[INCOMING]  
wait werent you already in the middle of something

[OUTGOING]  
I was setting up.

[INCOMING]  
for?

[OUTGOING]  
Something fun.  
Goodbye.

[INCOMING]  
my kind of fun or your kind of fun

[INCOMING]  
if its my kind and you didnt tell me im going to be very disappointed

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
Hey. Are you awake?

[OUTGOING]  
Guess not.

[OUTGOING]  
Good. There’s something I need to get off my chest.

[OUTGOING]  
I know I already told you about what happened when I lost someone.  
But that wasn’t the half of it.

[OUTGOING]  
The night John died was the worst night of my life.

[OUTGOING]  
I never did tell you how it happened.  
It was a car accident. Not anyone else’s fault, and not his either.  
There wasn’t anyone else even there.  
It’s just how things turned out.

[OUTGOING]  
There’s this road on the outskirts of the city. Nobody ever goes there, and if they do, they’re either lost or exploring.  
In either case, it’s usually daytime.

[OUTGOING]  
In the day, it’s easy to see that there’s a pretty steep drop if you go off-road. Even a pretty interesting tree to admire down there.  
But at night? Forget it.

[OUTGOING]  
John was on that road.

[OUTGOING]  
I don’t know why, and at this point it hardly matters.  
All that matters is that he was, and that he went off-road.

[OUTGOING]  
Again, I have no idea why.  
Maybe he swerved to avoid an animal, maybe it was just a mistake.  
That doesn’t matter anymore.

[OUTGOING]  
He managed to call himself an ambulance. They got there as quickly as they could, and off he went to the hospital.

[OUTGOING]  
The entire time all this was happening, I was fast asleep.  
The last time I’d seen him had been the day before that.  
I’d invited him over to watch a Western, and he’d talked all through it.  
Mostly about the guns.  
He loved guns.

[OUTGOING]  
Always said a revolver would suit me.  
He’d point at the screen and say, “You’d fit right in there! Probably make a mean marksman, too.”

[OUTGOING]  
I’ve never shot a gun in my life.  
John was just trying to humor me.  
But still, it was nice.

[OUTGOING]  
Anyway, he asked the hospital to make a call.  
He didn’t have any immediate family, so he asked for the next best thing.  
My friend.

[OUTGOING]  
My best friend, actually.

[OUTGOING]  
She wasn’t exactly his girlfriend, but they were getting there.  
I wasn’t thrilled about it, but hey. I would live.

[OUTGOING]  
I woke up when she called me.  
It was the middle of the night, so I figured it was probably something important and answered.

[OUTGOING]  
Fuck, I wasn’t even sure it was her. It sounded like a dying animal.  
But then she started talking.  
I could barely understand anything she said, she was crying so hard. Practically sobbing her little heart out.

[OUTGOING]  
I threw on some clothes and got ready to go wherever it was I needed to be.  
By the time I got into the car, I knew that place was the hospital.  
John was in an accident and I needed to be at the hospital.

[OUTGOING]  
I’m glad that was all I understood.  
If I’d known they’d told her he was almost certain to die before the night was done, I don’t think I could’ve managed the drive.  
I still have no idea how she did.

[OUTGOING]  
I finally got there, and do you know what happened?  
They told me I couldn’t see him.  
There was a long explanation attached, one that I couldn’t be bothered to listen to. Who knows, hospitals have so many rules about visitation.

[OUTGOING]  
But just because I couldn’t see him, doesn’t mean I didn’t.  
I managed to catch a glimpse before they pulled me away.

[OUTGOING]  
I don’t remember the full report, but he had broken bones everywhere, dislocated limbs, a ruptured eye, and a collapsed lung.

[OUTGOING]  
Have you ever heard someone with a collapsed lung talk?  
It’s not really talking.  
It’s noises.  
Broken, anguished noises. Like a baby.

[OUTGOING]  
Or maybe he wasn’t trying to talk at all.  
Maybe noises were all he could make.

[OUTGOING]  
I still have nightmares where I hear him like that.

[OUTGOING]  
And that was all I got.  
Just a few seconds to see him, to hear him.  
Then I was being dragged away and hundreds of hospital tiles lay between us.

[OUTGOING]  
My best friend got there almost right after that.  
I didn’t even have the chance to start telling her what I’d seen before a doctor walked up to us and told me that my life was over.

[OUTGOING]  
I believed it, you know.  
I believed that I’d seen John in his last moments, and now that he was gone, so was I.

[OUTGOING]  
And you know what else?  
I resented my best friend.  
I resented that she’d gotten there after me, just minutes too late, and would get to live the rest of her days remembering John as he always was.

[OUTGOING]  
I resented that she got that small comfort, and that I’d never be able to forget what I’d seen.  
What I’d heard.  
Damn that sound.

[OUTGOING]  
My memories of him would always be tainted.  
His mangled body, his pitiful moaning.  
I’d always remember him like that, and I didn’t want to.

[OUTGOING]  
I didn’t want to.

[OUTGOING]  
I wish I’d gotten there later. I wish we’d both walked into the hospital together.  
Maybe even hand in hand.  
We always were inseparable, and I could’ve used the support. Her too.

[OUTGOING]  
I wish we both got to remember him as he was.  
My last memory of him would’ve been at my house.  
Him ranting on and on about the model of rifle used in the movie.

[OUTGOING]  
I almost told him, you know.  
About me.  
And what I thought of him.

[OUTGOING]  
My friend always said I should.  
Told me there was no reason for me not to, even if she was nearly his girlfriend.  
Pretty sure she would’ve eventually suggested we share him.

[OUTGOING]  
You remind me of her, actually.

[OUTGOING]  
None of it was easy for her.  
For either of us.  
She didn’t show it as much as I did, though. I think she was trying to be my pillar.  
Still, I wish we’d both been left with happier memories.

[OUTGOING]  
That’s not how things turned out, though.  
And now I have to live with it.

[OUTGOING]  
I can manage.  
I thought I couldn’t, but I can.

[OUTGOING]  
She helped.  
You did too, actually.

[OUTGOING]  
Please don’t mention any of this when you wake up, okay?  
Sorry to blow up your phone like this.  
But thanks.

[OUTGOING]  
Thanks for listening to me.

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
hey

[INCOMING]  
are you there

[OUTGOING]  
Yes.

[INCOMING]  
you should totally give me your address

[OUTGOING]  
What?

[INCOMING]  
so i can send you something

[OUTGOING]  
Apropos of what, exactly?

[INCOMING]  
i just think youll like it  
hopefully youll even use it

[OUTGOING]  
What, did you find some old scarf at a thrift shop or something?

[INCOMING]  
no its something better  
way better  
also way smaller

[OUTGOING]  
Fine.

[OUTGOING]  
[PHOTO ATTACHMENT]

[INCOMING]  
aww  
only a po box?

[OUTGOING]  
Of course.  
No way do I want you showing up on my doorstep out of the blue.  
You’d flirt nonstop and I wouldn’t be able to do anything the entire day.

[INCOMING]  
because of how tempting itd be? 8)

[OUTGOING]  
Because of how annoying it’d be.

[INCOMING]  
i dont know what i expected

[OUTGOING]  
In all seriousness, there is a problem I wanted to talk with you about.

[INCOMING]  
yeah?

[INCOMING]  
did you change your mind

[OUTGOING]  
I’m trying to figure out how to explain it, okay?  
Shut up for a second.

[INCOMING]  
i havent said anything  
we are texting

[OUTGOING]  
Holy hell, you’re a jackass.

[INCOMING]  
but isnt that part of my charm (*3*)

[OUTGOING]  
As much as I hate it, you’re absolutely right.

[INCOMING]  
wow im not used to such large doses of sarcasm this early in the morning

[OUTGOING]  
It wasn’t sarcasm.

[INCOMING]  
what

[OUTGOING]  
You’re a legitimately interesting person to talk to. And even, dare I say it, charming.  
I would say that you somehow manage it despite being a jackass.  
But seeing as that’s all you generally are, it must be because of that.

[INCOMING]  
is this how all your compliments go

[OUTGOING]  
No.

[OUTGOING]  
Damn it, I was trying to be nice about this.

[INCOMING]  
i dont think youre capable of that  
not with me anyway

[OUTGOING]  
How the hell am I supposed to explain this problem if I couldn’t even answer that without insulting you?

[INCOMING]  
hey look im used to it from you  
so just go for it

[OUTGOING]  
I am going to regret this. A lot.

[OUTGOING]  
When we first started talking, I thought you were so annoying, and I still find you incredibly annoying. But also I really like it?

[OUTGOING]  
I mean, it wasn’t from one day to the next so I have no idea how it happened or even when, just that nowadays I look forward to getting your texts and have a lot of fun answering them, but that’s not how this was supposed to be.

[OUTGOING]  
I accidentally texted you once, and then you did the same, and now we’re practically having phone sex like awkward teenagers. Not even actual phone sex, either! We just send each other suggestive texts and then go off and masturbate without telling the other one about it.

[OUTGOING]  
It’s the most pathetic thing I’ve ever willingly done.

[OUTGOING]  
And you!  
You’re that type, the kind of guy who does this all the damn time with different people and then, once you’ve had your fun, you move on to whoever’s next.  
I’ve got no illusions about that, and never have, but as much as I try, I can still feel myself falling into your wretched little trap, and I HATE IT.

[OUTGOING]  
There. I said it.

[INCOMING]  
okay i could be wrong but what im getting from this is that youre trying to say  
maybe you kind of like me just a little?  
am i on the right track with that

[OUTGOING]  
Yes.

[INCOMING]  
so how exactly is that a bad thing

[OUTGOING]  
It was never meant to happen!  
It CAN’T happen.

[INCOMING]  
why not

[OUTGOING]  
There’s so many reasons that I can’t even begin to compile a proper list.  
But to start with, you’re clearly just looking for me to show you a good time and then you’ll drop me like a hot potato.

[INCOMING]  
not really  
i admit that something like that is what i planned on doing at first  
but even so i wouldnt have just dropped you  
chances are you wouldve been the one to break it off  
thats how it generally goes for me

[OUTGOING]  
Which brings me to my next point.  
Clearly you’re just in this for the sex.  
And so help me, I will fucking stab you if you mention this ever again, but I need some feelings thrown in there too.

[INCOMING]  
well obviously the sex between us would be fantastic  
but also you definitely missed the part where i dont even know what you look like and have still fueled my entire drive to fuck you solely with the power of our conversations  
do you think i normally have hour long text exchanges with strangers just so i can eventually fuck them

[INCOMING]  
actually dont answer that

[OUTGOING]  
Then what about the fact that, despite anything else, you’re still an asshole?

[INCOMING]  
so are you

[OUTGOING]  
That’s not the point!

[INCOMING]  
isnt it?  
we could meet up and be assholes together  
and also have really great sex

[OUTGOING]  
No, I refuse.

[INCOMING]  
you must realize i legitimately want to meet you right  
like im not joking whenever i suggest it

[OUTGOING]  
And I’m not joking when I say no.  
This has gotten way too out of control as it is.  
If we were to just meet up and fuck, that I could handle.

[OUTGOING]  
But this?  
Whatever it is, I don’t like it, and I’m not letting it continue.

[INCOMING]  
does this mean i dont have to buy myself a cowboy hat anymore

[OUTGOING]  
Fuck off into the night.

[INCOMING]  
its 10am

 

* * *

 

“Do you mind if we make a quick stop by the post office? I haven’t checked my mail in a couple days.”

“Sure, go ahead. Whatever postpones me being subjected to more Westerns.”

 

* * *

 

“What’s this?”

“Not sure, didn’t look too closely at it. Did you still want to go pick up some groceries?”

“Hm? Yeah, yeah. Hey, do you know anyone with the initials K. M.?”

“Uh... No?”

“Or a company, maybe? Because that’s who it’s from.”

“Well, I haven’t ordered anything.”

“Then who the hell sent you this?”

“K. M., you said?”

“Mhmm.”

“Alright, we’re here. Go get your groceries while I check this out.”

 

* * *

 

“They didn’t have those pickles I like, so I had to g— Whoa, what’s with that face?”

“...Huh?”

“You look really out of it.”

“Oh... It’s nothing.”

“.....”

“.....”

“So what was in the box?”

“Nothing.”

“There was nothing in the box?”

“Uh, I mean, it was somebody else’s mail.”

“It was addressed to you.”

“Yeah. Weird.”

“... _Extremely_.”

 

* * *

 

[OUTGOING]  
WHAT THE FUCK KAZ

[INCOMING]  
what

[OUTGOING]  
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK KAZ

[INCOMING]  
oh right  
i take it my present arrived

[OUTGOING]  
YES IT DID AND I ASK AGAIN  
WHAT THE FUCK KAZ

[INCOMING]  
thats an actual replica btw

[OUTGOING]  
????????  
OF WHAT

[INCOMING]  
my dick of course

[OUTGOING]  
WHAT

[INCOMING]  
you dont like it? :(

[OUTGOING]  
ITS NOT A QUESTION OF LIKING IT

[INCOMING]  
so you do like it (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ

[OUTGOING]  
SHUT UP YOU DONT JUST SEND PEOPLE YOUR DICK IN A BOX

[INCOMING]  
https://youtu.be/VeWvs27JOCI

[OUTGOING]  
FUCK OFF  
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO EVEN DO WITH IT

[INCOMING]  
i do remember saying you could use it  
back when i was getting your address remember

[OUTGOING]  
I AM NOT MASTURBATING WITH YOUR DICK

[INCOMING]  
oh come on you know you want to

[INCOMING]  
tbh i will be very offended if you dont

[INCOMING]  
aww dont go silent on me again  
i was really looking forward to how youd react

[OUTGOING]  
Do you mind not texting for a while?

[INCOMING]  
why

[OUTGOING]  
Damn it, you’re supposed to say, “Sure, let me know when you’re free.”

[INCOMING]  
you know thats not how i roll

[INCOMING]  
but really  
why

[INCOMING]  
are you using it

[OUTGOING]  
NO

[INCOMING]  
come on really are you ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[OUTGOING]  
y es

[INCOMING]  
youre joking

[OUTGOING]  
[PHOTO ATTACHMENT]

[INCOMING]  
FUCKING HELL THATS HOT

[OUTGOING]  
shu tup and let mu concentrate

[INCOMING]  
NO FUCKING WAY  
IM TALKING YOU THROUGH THIS THING

[OUTGOING]  
ifuckin hate you

[INCOMING]  
how much do you hate me  
enough to hold me down and pull a knife on me?

[OUTGOING]  
yess

[INCOMING]  
mmmm but would you slowly drag it along my skin  
teasing me until finally making a cut

[INCOMING]  
or would you give me no time to adjust  
and just slice a part of me open

[INCOMING]  
maybe my stomach  
or an arm  
neck?

[OUTGOING]  
fuckkkk

[INCOMING]  
id probably cry out  
itd hurt so much

[OUTGOING]  
areyou trying to kil lme

[INCOMING]  
im pretty sure its the other way around  
a person can only lose so much blood after all

[OUTGOING]  
damnitk az

[INCOMING]  
hey

[OUTGOING]  
????

[INCOMING]  
you wont cum until i say so will you

[OUTGOING]  
what the fffucj kazzz

[INCOMING]  
will you

[OUTGOING]  
fffukcyo u

[INCOMING]  
WILL YOU

[OUTGOING]  
finne  
notuntil yuo say

[INCOMING]  
good  
now imagine knocking me out with some well placed punches  
kicking my dick for good measure

[OUTGOING]  
aaand  
eleectrouiting yu???

[INCOMING]  
of course  
making me seize up  
practically frying me

[INCOMING]  
id definitely be full on screaming by then  
crying too  
seeing my blood getting smeared everywhere

[OUTGOING]  
oohhhhhhhh

[INCOMING]  
did you imagine all those things

[OUTGOING]  
mmhmmmm

[INCOMING]  
wow  
getting off to the thought of hurting me  
that doesnt sound very nice of you  
maybe i need to teach you some manners

[OUTGOING]  
whta theshiit  
arrnt you likr a totl sub

[INCOMING]  
i said im a masochist  
i never said im a sub

[OUTGOING]  
f ukingghell

[INCOMING]  
so lets say i show up at your doorstep  
maybe even dressed as a cowboy  
would you do what i asked

[OUTGOING]  
ffffffffffff

[INCOMING]  
well?

[OUTGOING]  
yyeeeeessssss

[INCOMING]  
you know what id ask you to do?

[OUTGOING]  
??????

[INCOMING]  
id ask you to hurt me  
to pull every trick in the book you know  
and make me scream myself hoarse until all i can do is whimper

[OUTGOING]  
aaahhhhhfuckyes

[INCOMING]  
and you know what would happen after that?

[OUTGOING]  
whhh??

[INCOMING]  
id give you a taste of your own medicine and fuck you into the mattress until youre too fucked out to even move

[OUTGOING]  
plllse

[OUTGOING]  
plesea l etmecummm

[INCOMING]  
hey

[INCOMING]  
what do you think of my dick

[OUTGOING]  
unspekealbly tiny  
but

[OUTGOING]  
uou wree right  
best onne ive everh ad

[INCOMING]  
now cum

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
its been an hour  
did i accidentally kill you

[OUTGOING]  
i was dozing.

[INCOMING]  
well thats a relief

[OUTGOING]  
your dick’s still in my ass, by the way.  
could probably double as a decent butt plug.

[INCOMING]  
guess you could officially claim to own my dick now

[INCOMING]  
hey hey hey  
you should send me a pic of yours

[OUTGOING]  
of my dick? no.  
sending that other picture was a mistake.

[INCOMING]  
never call that a mistake  
its up there in the top ten of hottest things ive seen

[OUTGOING]  
only top ten? i’m hurt.

[INCOMING]  
not as hurt as me

[OUTGOING]  
maybe some other time. if you get lucky.

[INCOMING]  
:(

 

* * *

 

“Don’t you ever take those shades off?”

“Wow, you actually came to talk. Are _you_ ever not completely unapproachable?”

“What do you mean?”

“You walked in here wearing earbuds, and the only times you’ve taken them out is when you were ordering your drink, and now that you’re at my table.”

“Hmm. But doesn’t that last one disprove your entire argument?”

“...Maybe. Were you listening to music?”

“Nice segue. Subtle.”

“Were you?”

“Why?”

“Well, either it’s something music makes you do, or something you’ve always done that I just never noticed, but I hope you know that you have a tendency to sway your hips when you walk.”

“.....”

“Not that I was scrutinizing them or anything. It’s pretty noticeable.”

“If you’re trying to flirt with me, I’ll have you know that I’m actually, uh. Seeing someone.”

“You don’t _sound_ all that sure.”

“It’s a new development.”

“No need to make excuses, I’m seeing someone too.”

“That much is obvious. I bet you’re seeing a dozen someones a day.”

“What exactly are you implying?”

“You just seem like that kind of person.”

“'That kind' being...?”

“People who claim to be polyamorous around everyone except the people they actually start relationships with.”

“That’s not... I don’t do that!”

“Don’t you?”

“.....”

“Seriously, there’s people who’ll stick around if you tell them. I know for a fact that the person I’m seeing now is very probably seeing at least one other person besides me. More likely, at least two.”

“And you’re fine with that?”

“Well, I do intend to ask for confirmation one way or another. But if I’m right and that’s the case? Then why not? As long as everyone’s clear on what they’re getting and what they’re providing... I don’t see any reason to raise a fuss. Obviously, I don’t speak for everyone, but you get my point.”

“.....”

“What?”

“Why are you being so friendly today? You seem downright... Peppy. I expected you to be the stereotypical angry nerd you’ve always been, the one who’d probably get furious if he saw me sitting here, and so I left you alone. But instead, _you’re_ the one who came over, being all open and giving me some weird subset of relationship advice.”

“'Always been'? _Please_ , we’ve met just twice before.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.”

“Mm, let me put it this way: I prefer to be the one initiating conversations, particularly with those I don’t know.”

“I’d say we know each other by now.”

“You’d say many things.”

“...You’d really be okay with someone who sleeps around?”

“I said so, didn’t I?”

“People say many things.”

“Hmph. True as that may be, I mean what I say.”

“Really? I get the impression that you say a lot of things you don’t mean.”

“Perhaps you’re projecting.”

“As aloof as you still are, I swear there’s something different about you today. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but it’s...easier...to talk to you now.”

“Like you couldn’t talk to me before? You talked both my ears off.”

“It wasn’t the same.”

“We’ll just have to leave it as an unsolved mystery, then. That drink I ordered looks like it’s almost ready, and I have other things to go do.”

“Hey, wait a second.”

“Hm?”

“We should exchange numbers. Maybe meet up again?”

“Heh. With the way things have been going, I don’t really see a need for that. Doubtless, we’ll end up running into each other again.”

“Probably, yeah. But when?”

“We’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”

 

* * *

 

[INCOMING]  
[CALL]

 

* * *

 

“K- Kaz?”

“Yeah... Adam. It’s me.”

“It’s the middle of the night. Why are you calling...?”

“Uh... I kinda... Got into an accident.”

“...Huh?”

“Um. I’m not really sure what I’m doing? There was this random deer that popped up and so I swerved and there was a lot of shaking and then I woke up. So I called you.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You had a car accident? You crashed? Are you hurt?”

“...Slow down. I can’t handle that many questions right now.”

“Are you hurt!?”

“Uh. Yes. Definitely.”

“Did you call an ambulance?”

“No... I probably should’ve. Told you I’m not thinking right. Probably that, um, head thing. Where you hit your head?”

“A concussion?”

“Yeah. No, wait. T... T... Trauma! Yeah, that one. Wait, are they the same thing?”

“Kaz, we don’t have time for this. Tell me where you are so I can call the ambulance myself!”

“I _was_ on a road. And now I’m probably not. Huh. Where’s the road... Lemme see if I ca— _Oww!”_

“What’s wrong!?”

“I can’t really turn in my seat, I’m not sure why... Oh. Probably because of that.”

“What?”

“There’s a shit-ton of blood here. Not sure where it’s coming from.”

“Kaz, where are you!?”

“Oh, _now_ he wants to meet.”

_“Where!?”_

“...There’s a fucked up tree a couple yards away.”

“What... Oh, fuck. Not...?”

“It’s all wavy. Like a snake?”

“Shit, shit, shit! Fuck, that’s where— wh—”

“...Oh. This is it? The place where...John...?”

“.....”

“I shouldn’t have called. This is just bringing up bad memories for you.”

“.....”

“Fuck... I‘m sorry. I don’t know why I thought it was a good idea to call you. I’ll just... Hang up... I guess.”

_“Don’t you **dare** , you goddamn fuckbucket!”_

“Are you... Crying?”

“I’m going to hang up, get an ambulance, then call you back, and you _better fucking answer_ or I’ll kill you myself!”

“You sound familiar.”

“Kaz, you’re delirious. Promise me you’ll answer when I call back. _Promise!”_

“Okay, Adam. I promise.”

 

* * *

 

[CALL ENDED]

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this prompt: [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/121964365228](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/121964365228)
> 
> Includes some adorable art by the wonderful yashikoru on Tumblr:  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124595658013](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124595658013)  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124645474853](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124645474853)  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124654280413](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124654280413)  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124735845553](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124735845553)  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124738474403](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/124738474403)  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/126858048393](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/126858048393)  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/127264768548](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/127264768548)  
> [panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/156404177243](http://panpinecone.tumblr.com/post/156404177243)


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